Rant #2: Emerging Artists

Ok, you know what drives me crazy?

When people say things like: you are lucky to be an emerging artist. If you were a big old established arts organization you’d have all these PATRONS and FUNDERS and MILLION DOLLAR BUDGETS dragging you down. You are light and free! You can do whatever you want! NOBODY TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO!

You know why that is? Because we (by we I mean the crazy performance troupe I’ve worked with for ten years) are our own bosses. So we’re telling ourselves what to do. Except we don’t know what to do. How do you retain audiences? How do you split up the administrative work? How do you market your work to the people who will like it most? Who are those people? And how do you get those people to bring their friend who inherited a family fortune and could maybe give you some MONEY? And oh yeah, how do you do these things at a pace faster than GLACIAL?

We have figured a lot of things out. We’ve hired consultants and we’ve been smart and frugal and we know more than we did ten years ago, yes. For instance: do not put a nineteen year old pyromaniac in charge of fire for your touring outdoor spectacle. That is something we learned the hard way.

But we still don’t know how to pay ourselves anything near a salary. And it is getting harder and harder. We work our asses off, and for what? It is fun and we are free to do whatever we want. But… come on! We aren’t 24 anymore so we need some effing money! Isn’t there a middle ground grant, for when you reach your 30s and you’re not an art star genius yet but you’re doing pretty good? Could someone please support me while I figure out how to jump to BADASS PROFESSIONAL from the current spot I’m in, which is MUDDLING THROUGH SOMEHOW AND OH BY THE WAY I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A BABY?

So, point is, I’m not feeling very LIGHT AND FREE at the moment. Not feeling like we can do whatever we want. Not feeling drunk on freedom and artistic integrity. I’d like less integrity and more MONEY. And maybe some health care. Which maybe sounds kind of blasé and hip but trust me, it’s just weary and boring except I’m not 86 yet so I can’t wear an old lady turban and smoke endlessly while talking about the daggers of life. I’m 32. If I try that I’ll just look like an asshole. Which would be fine if I had money but no one wants to hang out with a poor asshole with a victim complex who can’t even buy them an effing beer. (Unless she's wearing a turban... note to self: TIME TO START ROCKING THE OLD LADY TURBAN).

Ok, so, like all good rants this is not particularly coherent. All I’m saying is: don’t talk to me about the joys and glories of being an emerging artist. I've been emerging. I'd like to stop emerging and start GETTING SOMEWHERE.